Endling
14th March 2006, 07:58 PM
Big. Giant. POS.
Armageddon. A movie about a big honking chunk of rock spreading horror and misery throughout earth. And its name is Bruce Willis.
I just sat through this skin peelingly bad crotchvomit of a movie, again. God only knows why. It was the only thing on TV, so I left it on while I was drawing at the end of my day. And its horrifying awfulness just sucked me into it, like that sick desire you get to watch a really bad ten car pileup with blood, fire and orphans.
I've never seen a more manipulative movie. In the sense that it spoon feeds the audience 'moments' when you are supposed to feel this way or that. Happy here (look at the goofy miner guys being silly in NASA, it's a riot! The big black guy is dancing around in tiny leopard print underwear, and its friggin' NASA! AHAHAHAH. No.) .. sympathetic here (Oh they're just normal, hard working middle class guys like us, sent to save the world, I identify with them.) ..sad here.. (look at how many pseudo dramatic close ups of Liv Tyler, and her huge livery lips, we can cram into five minutes of film time!) ..patriotic here (when we aren't showing dramatic, swooping close ups, we will have the american flag in every shot, in the background, in the foreground, crammed up Bruce Willis' ass..) ..etc etc.
I hate this movie. Every last minute of it.
I'm sorry if you enjoyed it. Wait, no, I'm not. STOP LIKING IT. YOU WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU, DON'T YOU!?
I know who would enjoy this movie. People who don't like to think for themselves. Who need visuals to direct every damn emotion the movie wants you to believe you should have for these god damn cardboard cutout cookie cutter characters.
Is there a big giant black guy? Yep.
A neurotic one that goes crazy during the mission? Yep.
A fat guy for additional comic relief? Yup.
A bunch of fodder to kill off halfway through? Certainly.
Crazy foreign guy we Americans can laugh at? Sure, why not.
Do we have at least one scene of half naked women we can cram in between explosions during the preview sequences? Yep.
And die, Ben Affleck. Cram cookies down someone else's crotch. (Don't you have Matt Damon for that?) Just for gods sakes, not on camera.
I had more. But I also have a really really bad memory. Which is probably a good thing, or I'd be pissed off all the time. :wink:
Armageddon. A movie about a big honking chunk of rock spreading horror and misery throughout earth. And its name is Bruce Willis.
I just sat through this skin peelingly bad crotchvomit of a movie, again. God only knows why. It was the only thing on TV, so I left it on while I was drawing at the end of my day. And its horrifying awfulness just sucked me into it, like that sick desire you get to watch a really bad ten car pileup with blood, fire and orphans.
I've never seen a more manipulative movie. In the sense that it spoon feeds the audience 'moments' when you are supposed to feel this way or that. Happy here (look at the goofy miner guys being silly in NASA, it's a riot! The big black guy is dancing around in tiny leopard print underwear, and its friggin' NASA! AHAHAHAH. No.) .. sympathetic here (Oh they're just normal, hard working middle class guys like us, sent to save the world, I identify with them.) ..sad here.. (look at how many pseudo dramatic close ups of Liv Tyler, and her huge livery lips, we can cram into five minutes of film time!) ..patriotic here (when we aren't showing dramatic, swooping close ups, we will have the american flag in every shot, in the background, in the foreground, crammed up Bruce Willis' ass..) ..etc etc.
I hate this movie. Every last minute of it.
I'm sorry if you enjoyed it. Wait, no, I'm not. STOP LIKING IT. YOU WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU, DON'T YOU!?
I know who would enjoy this movie. People who don't like to think for themselves. Who need visuals to direct every damn emotion the movie wants you to believe you should have for these god damn cardboard cutout cookie cutter characters.
Is there a big giant black guy? Yep.
A neurotic one that goes crazy during the mission? Yep.
A fat guy for additional comic relief? Yup.
A bunch of fodder to kill off halfway through? Certainly.
Crazy foreign guy we Americans can laugh at? Sure, why not.
Do we have at least one scene of half naked women we can cram in between explosions during the preview sequences? Yep.
And die, Ben Affleck. Cram cookies down someone else's crotch. (Don't you have Matt Damon for that?) Just for gods sakes, not on camera.
I had more. But I also have a really really bad memory. Which is probably a good thing, or I'd be pissed off all the time. :wink: